Humor #9

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, “I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.”

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for the worship service to be continued.

—–

A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter.

As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, “Why didn’t you bring the piano, too?”

“Are you trying to be funny?” she replied.

“No, I really wish you had” he sighed. “I left the tickets on it.”

—–

“Grandpa, I’m really proud of you,” said the modish young lady.

“What’s to be proud of?” asked the old man.

The young lady replied, “I noticed that when you sneeze, you’ve learned to put your hand in front of your mouth.”

“Of course,” explained Grandpa.

“How else can I catch my teeth???”

—–
Judi strolled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said coyly, “Doctor, may I ask a question?”

“Certainly,” he said.

“Lately,” said Judi, “I have been having a funny pain right here under the heart . . .”

The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, “I’m terribly sorry, Judi, but I’m a doctor of philosophy.”

“Oooh,” she said, “I’m sorry!”

She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. “Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is ‘philosophy’?”

—–

Church Bulleting Bloopers

Everyone is asked to bring a jar of peanut butter which will
be forwarded to Potter’s House for distribution as part of
the Food Baskets for greedy families during the month of
June.

The new parking area looks great. Thanks to the men who
turned out Saturday to help with the groveling.

A special thank you is extended to the members of the
congregation who supported the dinner at the Community
Outreach Center on Friday, May 11. Thank you for the
generous amounts of food and to the shavers who came.

We “raised the roof” both in monetary donations and
excitement to help get started on construction effort. Thank
you to the over 100 people who filled the Community Center
to help us with our destruction fund for the new fellowship
hall.

Are you ready for this? Invite some neighbors and come along
for the Vacation Bible School picnic! Please register so we
will have enough food on the clipboard in the fellowship
hall.

The new landscaping looks wonderful. Special thanks to the
ladies who have been working in beds around the church
grounds.

—–

A husband, who is not the most outgoing guy, relents to his wife’s months of nagging to take her out dancing. During the evening one guy on the dance floor is giving it large – break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

Seeing this performance, the wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

Her husband replies, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!”

—–

When Ruth’s grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone
he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was
running through the house and into the corner of a chair and
hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, “Oh no,
oh no, now I can’t be a doctor when I grow up.”

Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept
telling her he couldn’t.

Finally she asked, “Why can’t you be a doctor?”

Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, “Because now I
will have to be a pirate!”

—–

My first-grader came home and proudly reported to her dad that she was now officially a “Brownie.” Not to be outdone, her three-year-old brother, Christopher, rushed up to Dad and proudly announced he was a cupcake!

—–

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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