Humor 15

A passenger train was creeping along painfully slowly when finally it creaked to a complete halt.

One passenger saw a conductor walking by outside and yelled, “What’s going on?”

“Cow on the track!” replied the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumed its slow pace, but within five minutes, it stopped again.

The same woman saw the same conductor walking by again and leaned out the window and yelled,

“What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?

——-

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel.

The new bride is concerned and asked, “What if the place is still bugged?”

The groom says “Hmm… Good point. I’ll look for a bug.”

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug . . . “AHA!” he shouts!

Sure enough, under the rug was a small disc shaped plate, with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the plate out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds “How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?”

Curious, the groom says, “And why, sir, are you asking me all of these questions?”

The hotel manager says “Well, the room UNDER yours complained of the chandelier falling on them!”

——

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation.

His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn’t help. Her son’s memory was blank.

Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.”

The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, “My mother is the light of the world.”

——

When I discovered my first gray hair, I immediately wrote to my parents:

“Dear Dad and Mom, You saw my first steps. You might want to experience this with me too.”

I taped the offending hair to the paper and mailed it.

My father’s response was in the form of a poem:

It’s a trustworthy observation

That nothing can compare

In the process of aging

With finding the first gray hair.

He signed off with this observation:

“That gray hair you sent is not the first one you gave us!”

——

Members of the Methodist women’s church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were disturbed because a widowed church member and her three small daughters were staying away from services. Finding the reason to be a lack of suitable clothes, the ladies’ group corrected the situation in a generous manner.

When the little girls still failed to appear at Sunday school, some of the ladies called to inquire about their absence.

The mother thanked them sweetly for the clothing and explained, “The girls looked so nice, I sent them to the Presbyterian church!”

——

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy…”

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