Humor #21

A young boy walked up to his father and asked, “Dad? Does a lawyer ever tell the truth?”

The father thought for a moment. “Yes, son,” he replied. “Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case.”

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Three old timers chatting at restaurant! They sat down at a table while waiting to be served. One of them said; Hay Jake! Isn’t this your 50th anniversary?

Jake replies! Yep.

Well, the old timer asked, what are you planning on doing?

Jake replies, well! I remember taking my wife to Arizona on our 25th anniversary.

The other old timer asked, Oh ya, so what are your plans for your 50th anniversary?

Jake replies, I’m going back to pick her up!!!!!!!

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A famous lawyer, who had been a public defender for years, dies. He finds himself standing at the back of an enormous queue outside the gates of Heaven. The queue before him is enormous. The number of people who die in a single day appalls him. He can barely see St Peter sitting up on a podium outside the gates with a large book.

Every now and then St Peter glances down the queue to see how he is going. Suddenly he catches the eye of the lawyer. He looks very surprised. He jumps down from the podium and comes running along the line until slightly out of breath he arrives beside the lawyer. He embraces him. He pulls him out of the queue and motions for him to come to the front of the queue.

Another person questions what is happening and another angel speaks to the person. Word is passed along the queue and the lawyer is surprised, as people start nodding and clapping. He becomes embarrassed by all the attention and asks St Peter why he is getting the special attention.

St Peter stops suddenly and looks concerned.

“You are a lawyer aren’t you?’

“Yes” the lawyer replies. “Does this happen to all lawyers in heaven?”

“Oh, no, “Said St Peter. “It’s just you are the first one to ever get here.”

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Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replied, “Why thank you, dear!”

——-

A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.

The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, “I’m on Sycamore Drive.”

“How do you spell that?” the operator asked.

“S-i-c-k…” the man began. “No, s-i-c-a…..” no, s-i-k-a…. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I’ll call you back.”

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Why Some Countries CAN’T Go Metric!

If the metric system did ever take over, we’d have to change our thinking to the following:

* A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.

* Put your best 0.3 of a meter forward.

* Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.

* Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.

* Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he’ll take 1.609 kilometers.

* Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

 

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