Humor #25

Our church has a singles ministry called SALT (Single Adults Learning Together).

During a recent service, our minister mentioned SALT in the announcements. “If any of you are single,” he told the congregation, “be sure to check out SALT. Those initials stand for …” The minister paused a moment before continuing.

At last he seemed to remember their meaning. “They stand for Single Adults Living Together.”

——–

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

In very tiny letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”

——–

A father and son saw a fisherman standing waist-deep in the water, repeatedly casting a net into the surging tide, but it seemed every time he pulled it in, the net was empty.

“Look how hard he works to support his family,” Dad observed. “We can learn a lot from his perseverance.”

“Aw, Dad,” quipped his computer-savvy son, “he isn’t working; he’s just netting the surf!”

——–

Two Parrots are on a perch.

One says: “Can you smell fish?”

——–

One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, “There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!”

Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?”

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant!”

——–

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.

The doctor pointed out that according to biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam’s rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, “Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?”

——–

Political Correctness For Kids

–Your bedroom isn’t cluttered; it’s “passage-restrictive.”

–Kids don’t get in trouble anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”

–You’re not having a bad hair day; you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”

–No one’s tall anymore. They’re “vertically enhanced.”

–You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective.”

–You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal.”

–It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s “transmission of near-factual information.”

–The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged.”

–Your homework isn’t missing; it’s just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”

–You’re not sleeping in class; you’re “rationing consciousness.”

–You don’t have smelly gym socks; you have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”

–You weren’t passing notes in class. You were “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.”

–You’re not being sent to the principal’s office. You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.

Advertisements