You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, “Sure. You carry the suitcases!”
Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village in Atlanta to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first said, “Let’s watch the registration table to see if there’s a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in.”
Immediately, a burly athlete walked up to the table and stated, “Angus MacLeod. Scotland. Shot-put.” He opened his gym bag to display a shot-put to the registration attendant.
The attendant said, “Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information.”
HOT DOG! The first guy grabbed a small tree sapling, stripped off the limbs and roots, walked up the registration table and stated, “Chuck Wagon. Canada.
The attendant said, “Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is you packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!”
The second guy grabbed a street utility manhole cover, walked up the registration table and stated, “Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus.”
The attendant said, “Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is you packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself.”
They scampered in, but suddenly realized the third guy was missing. They groaned, “OH NO.” He’s a goober. They forgot to make sure he didn’t do something stupid and blow their cover stories.
They then spotted him walking with a roll of barbed wire under his arm. He walked up to the registration table and stated, “Foster Bean. Hardwick, Vermont. Fencing.”
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I… I… didn’t pinch that girl.”
“Of course you didn’t,” said his wife, consolingly. “I did.”
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side…
You know what Martha?”
“What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck.”
A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink.
The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.”
During an examination, the student was not able to answer the question so he copied the answer from another good student, The answer to the problem was ‘log(1+x)’.
He didn’t want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer to ‘timber(1+x)’.