Humor #33

Dear Math,

Stop asking us to find your X.

She’s not coming back and don’t ask Y either.

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A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

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A blond calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:

“They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cries.

The dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

“Disregard,” he says.

“She got in the back seat by mistake.”

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After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily, Become emotional, Drive badly, Stop thinking, Fight for nothing

Women can do all these without drinking!

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An elderly couple stood before the family court judge after a long divorce trial. The judge asked why they wanted a divorce after having been married for nearly 70 years. They answered:” We wanted to wait, till after the kids had died”.

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This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for any one under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted. “Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven.” His father said.

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A two-and-a-half-year-old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on make-up.

“I’m going to look just like you, Mommy!” she announced.

“Maybe, when you grow up,” her mother told her.

“No Mommy, tomorrow. I just put on that ‘Oil of Old Lady’ you always use.”

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“Is it just me or does the word skeptical look like it’s spelled wrong?”

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What are the three great American parties?

Democrat, Republican, and Tupperware.

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