Truth About Children
– A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
– A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
– A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
– A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
– An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
– Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.
– Celibacy is not hereditary.
– Familiarity breeds children.
– For adult education, nothing beats children.
– Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
– Having children will turn you into your parents.
– If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
– Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
– It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
– It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.
– Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
– Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
– You can learn many things from children… like how much patience you have.
– Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
– The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
– There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it
– Those who say they “sleep like a baby” haven’t got one.
– There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
– The best thing to spend on your children is time.