Humor #51

Truth About Children

– A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.

– A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

– A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

– A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.

– An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

– Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.

– Celibacy is not hereditary.

– Familiarity breeds children.

– For adult education, nothing beats children.

– Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

– Having children will turn you into your parents.

– If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

– Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.

– It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.

– It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.

– Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

– Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

– You can learn many things from children… like how much patience you have.

– Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

– The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.

– There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it

– Those who say they “sleep like a baby” haven’t got one.

– There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.

– The best thing to spend on your children is time.