Humor #77

A Simple Explanation of Baseball

This is a game played by two teams, one out, the other in.The one that’s in sends players out one at a time to see if they can get in before they get out. If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn’t count. If they get in before they get out, it does count.

When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before they get in without being out, the team that’s out comes in and the team in goes out to get those going in out before they get in without being out.

When both teams have been in and out nine times, the game is over. The team with the most in without being out before coming in wins unless the ones in are equal. In which case, the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they get in without being out.

The game will end when each team has the same number of ins out but one team has more in without being out before coming in.

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A young boy came to Sunday School late.

His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?

The boy replied, “Yes he did. Dad said he didn’t have enough bait for both of us.”

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In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to the living room and asked, “Does anyone want a cup of coffee?”

“Yes please!” we said.

He replied, “What kind of coffee do you want? Capitated or decapitated?”

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My friend’s four boys were young and bursting with energy, especially in church. But the sermon her minister preached on “turning the other cheek” got their undivided attention. The minister stressed that no matter what others do to us, we should never try to “get even.”

That afternoon the youngest boy came into the house crying. Between sobs he told his mother he had kicked one of his brothers, who had kicked him in return. “I’m sorry you’re hurt,” his mother said. “But you shouldn’t go around kicking people.”

To which the tearful child replied, “But the preacher said he isn’t supposed to kick me back.”

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In our family devotions, we did a study on King Asa, out of 2 Chronicles. Later in the day, we were reviewing what we had learned.

When asking my seven year-old what book in the Bible we find the story of King Asa, he responded, “Second Chronicles of Narnia!”

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When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.

The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely.

“It’s okay,” he reassured the man, “That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

—–

Two frogs were sitting on a lily pad.

One said to the other, “Time sure is fun when you are having flies!”

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A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend.

“It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed. “But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?”

“Well,” the husband said, “we changed our plans because, uh…”

His wife cut in, “Oh, tell the truth, Dan!”

He fell silent and she continued, “You know, it’s just ridiculous. Dan simply will not ask for directions.”

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