Humor #81

 When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.”

 “Look in your underwear, Grandma! ,” he advised. “Mine says I’m four.”

  —–

 A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.”

 The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.

 “That’s interesting,” she said, “How do you make babies?”

 “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change “y” to “i” and add ‘es’.”

  —–

 Subject: Children’s Logic:

 Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher.

 The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”

 The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.

 “Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

  —–

 A grandmother was surprised by her 7-year-old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, “Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?”

 Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV – “The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'”

  —–

 Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Jimmie’s picture which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.

 “The flight to Egypt.” said Jimmy.

 “I see, and that must be Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus,” Ms Susie said. But who’s the fourth person?”

 “Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot.”

  —–

 A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.

 “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

 “No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”

 A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs”, she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

 —–

 Groaner: Emergency Kit

 Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled “Emergency Repair Kit.” Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

 Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

 She said, “It’s part of my emergency repair kit.”

 Josh said, “I can see that, but why?”

 Sally replied, “In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires.”

 —–

 Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” posted on the door glass.

 Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor near the cash register.

 He asked the store’s owner “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

 “Yep,” the proprietor answered, “That’s him.”

 The stranger couldn’t help being amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me,” he chuckled. “Why in the world did you decide to post that sign?”

 “Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.” 

Advertisements