Humor #113

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.

“How do you know what to say?” he asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”

—–

A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on.  Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

—–

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.  Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

—–

Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.  She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story  it was meant to represent.  The Flight to Egypt, was his reply.  Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, “That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus, But who is the fourth person?”

Oh, that’s Pontius-the pilot.

—–

The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”

“No sir,” little Johnny replies,  “I don’t have to.  My Mom is a good cook.”

—–

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce,  “I descend into hell!”  A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.  The play was well received.

When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place.  When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck.  No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled:  “Hallelujah!  Hell is full!”

—–

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, “After a worship  service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.  About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over  and whispered, ‘If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!’

It worked.”

—–

This is the best one. A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.  She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?”

“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.”

“Oh,” she paused, “grandpa, did God make me too?”

“Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.”

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better, isn’t he?”

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