Humor #263

Courtroom Comedy

Get a load of these actual courtroom conversations, as found in the books Humor in the Court and More Humor in the Court:

Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Witness: He says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Witness: No.

Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Doctor: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Lawyer: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
Witness: Picking them up in the air.
Lawyer: Where was the dog at this time?
Witness: Attached to the ears.

Lawyer: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. OK? What school do you go to?
Gary: Oral.
Lawyer: How old are you?
Gary: Oral.

Lawyer: Could you see him from where you were standing?
Witness: I could see his head.
Lawyer: And where was his head?
Witness: Just above his shoulders.