Subject: Teacher Arrested At Halifax International
A high school teacher was arrested today at Halifax’s Stanfield International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At the press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns;” but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Stephan Harper said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Prime Minister.