Humor #311

Year after year Bubba’s wife pleaded with him to take her fishing, but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She finally wore him down so he consented, and early one morning they took off for the lake.

They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, “Verna Lou, sweet thang, I’m sorry. You’ve been good luck and I’m gonna bring you with me the next time. If you’ll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we’ll go home.”

On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, “Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot where all the fish are so next time I’ll know?”

“Bubba, darlin’, I put a big ‘X’ on the side of the boat right down closest to the water.”

“Sweet thang, that’s about the dumbest thing I ever seen you do. Don’t you know that won’t work? We may not get the same boat the next time!”

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A young real estate man was showing a lady around a house that she wanted to look at before she could make any commitments.

They were on the second floor, also the top floor, when the man walked over to one of the windows that faced the road and yelled out, “Green side up!” The lady gave him a strange look, but she continued on with the man on the tour.

They got to the main floor, and again, after he had shown her all the rooms, he went over to a window that faced the road and yelled out, “Green side up!” The lady looked around, trying to figure out what the man was talking about, but she shrugged it off and followed him into the basement.

When they reached the basement, the man looked quickly out one of the windows that faced the road, rushed over, and yelled out, “GREEN SIDE UP!!!!!!!!”

Well, the lady couldn’t take it anymore, so she turned to the man and said, “Sir, why you must yell out, ‘Green side up’ out of the window constantly?”

The man laughed and replied, “Oh, I have some blondes across the street laying sod.”

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There once was a “smart guy,” a “not that smart guy,” and an all round “not smart at all guy.” They were going to cross the Sahara Desert. The “smart guy” says, “meet here in an hour with something useful to cross the desert with!”

Later on an hour passes. The “smart guy” says I brought some ice packs to keep our heads cool, the “not so smart guy” says I brought a pail of water to keep us hydrated. The “not smart at all guy” says, “I brought a car door so I can roll the window down when it gets hot!”

—–

A young man away from home and at college was feeling low. He had no money at the present time, so he decided at ask dad for some help. He sent a simple three line six word letter to dad. It said,

“No mon.

No fun.

Your son.”

A week later he had a response from dad another three line six word letter. It said,

“Too bad.

So sad.

Your dad.”

—–

Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Thanks,

Billy

—–

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor.

After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, “At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day.”

“Can’t”, replied the farmer. “At night I haul water for the hole.”

—–

Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish three times a day.

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