Humor #319

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds.  Only 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner!  Mostly croutons & tomatoes.  Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce.  And cheese.  FINE, it was a pizza.

How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash.  2.  Grill some Meat.

I don’t mean to brag but……I finished my14-day diet in just 3 hours and 20 minutes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Kids today don’t know how easy they have it.  When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented….I forgot where I was going with this.

I love being over 50.  I learn something new every day…….and forget 5 others.

A thief broke into my house last night……He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.

My dentist told me I need a crown.  I was like:  I KNOW!

I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

PS:  Sunday, March 13, was the beginning of Daylight Savings Time.  I hope you remembered to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds.

 

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