Humor #323

Quotes from Insurance Forms

“I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”


“I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.”


Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

A: Travelled by bus?


A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Q – What warning was given by you?

A – Horn

Q – What warning was given by the other party?

A – Moo


“On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.”


“I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.”


“I knew the dog was possessive about the car, but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.”


“First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car, and a haggis ran into the rear of second car.”


“Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.”


“The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up so I hit him again.”


“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”


“I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”


“A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.”


“In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”


“I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.”


“I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.”


“My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”


“I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”