Humor #339

You might be a teacher if…

You believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work from 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.”

It is difficult to name your own child because there’s no name you can come up with that doesn’t bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

You can tell it’s a full moon or if it’s going to rain, snow, hail… anything!!! without ever looking outside.

You believe, “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on a report card.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”

When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

You have no social life between August and June.

You think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

You wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.

You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the “lounge”.

You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the U- HAUL boxes should they decide to move out of district.

You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

You can’t imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students’ chairs with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.

Meeting a child’s parent instantly answers this question, “Why is this kid like this?”

You would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

You think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons… and desks and chairs for that matter!

The words “I have a college debt for this?” has ever come out of your mouth.

You know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!

~ attributed to Jeff Foxworthy