Humor #366

The New Alphabet for Older People


A is for arthritis

B is for bad back

C is for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline

E is for eyesight–can’t read that top line

F is for fissures and fluid retention

G is for gas (which I’d rather not mention)

   And other gastrointestinal glitches

H is high blood pressure

I is for itches

J is for joints that are failing to flex

L  for libido–what happened to sex?

Wait!  I forgot about K for bad knees

(I’ve got a few gaps in my M-memory)

N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis

O is for osteo-

P is for porosis

Q is for queasiness. Fatal?  Just flu?

R is for reflux–one meal becomes two

S is for sleepless nights counting my fears

T is for tinnitus–bells in my ears

U is for difficulties urinary

V is for vertigo

W is worry

About what the X–as in X-ray–will find

But though the word “terminal” rushes to mind,

I’m proud, as each

Y – year – goes by, to reveal

A reservoir of undiminished

Z – zeal—

For checking the symptoms my body’s deployed,

And keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.