Humor #372

Pensive Parade: Running with bulls is a really stupid idea … when you stop and think about it.

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Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, “What kind of boy did your daughter marry?”

“Oh, he’s wonderful,” gushed the mother. “He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlour regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night.”

“That’s sounds lovely,” said the woman. “What about your son?”

“I’m not so happy about that,” the mother sighed. “His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlour, and makes them eat take-out meals!”

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The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal.

She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.

And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

“Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy,” came her enthusiastic reply.

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Children will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.

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Perkatory: That awful time spent waiting for the first cup of coffee to be ready.

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The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.

“When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn’t lose any of them.”

“Now,” she added, looking around at her brood of nine, “I dress them alike so we won’t pick up any that don’t belong to us.”

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I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster; if anything, it made him more sluggish.

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How was the Roman Empire cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

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A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

 

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