Humor #376

 

Signs that Childhood Is Over

*Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn’t do it anymore.

*Driving a car doesn’t always sound like fun.

*The average 10-year-old doesn’t have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.

*Being bad is no longer cool.

*You have friends who have kids.

*Saturday mornings are for sleeping.

*You are taller than the slide at the McDonald’s Playland.

*Your parents’ jokes are now funny.

*You once said, “What-chu talkin’ ’bout Willis?” or “Know whatta mean, Vern?”

*You have owned, and since disowned, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

*You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, cuz mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.

*Naps are good.

*You once deemed Space Invaders as “The best game ever.”

*When things go wrong, you can’t just yell, “Do-over!”

*You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.

*You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.

*You want clothes for Christmas.

*You don’t want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.

*You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realize it’s a shot of you from behind.

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Humor #375

Words Not Yet In The Dictionary (#2)

ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay’ shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

NEONPHANCY (ne on’ fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETONIC (peh ton’ ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.