Humor #386

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

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How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

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Amy and Judy are old friends.

They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn’t find her attractive anymore.

“As I get older he doesn’t bother to look at me!” Amy cries.

“I’m so sorry for you. As I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day,” replies Judy.

“Yes, but your husband’s an antique dealer!”

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A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor.

After checking the chart, the doctor nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer.

The man asked, “How often do I take these?”

“Let’s start off with one every six hours. But they’re not for you,” replied the doctor.

“They’re for your wife.”

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Every warning label has an awesome backstory.

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The man who created auto-correct has died;

may he restaurant in peace.

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What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

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There was a preacher who was an avid golfer.  Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away.  It was an obsession.  One Sunday was a particularly picture perfect day for golfing; the sun was out, there were no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.

The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do but shortly the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at that preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.” God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?!”

God smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”

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