Humor #389

I combined all of my wrist watches to make a belt!

It’s a complete waist of time!

—–

A man who sued an airline because his luggage went missing … has lost his case.

—–

 

I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees.

After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question.

“Now,” he said, “what do I have to do to collect the money?”

—–

Billion dollar idea: a smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, “I’m just cooking!”

—–

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and began circling his head.

Wouldn’t you know it, the bug flew right into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder.

—–

 

My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, very expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, “My dog got hold of this.”

The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter.

“Well, what do you recommend?” I asked.

He looked at me and replied, “Give your dog the other shoe.”

—–

On one occasion William Howard Taft, in his work as an attorney, took a train to Somerville, about 40 miles north of his home in Cincinnati.

At the end of the day he knew that the policy of the railway was not to stop for just one passenger to board. He therefore sent this telegram: “Stop at Somerville for a large party.”

As the train came to a halt, Taft began to board the train, and conductor asked, “Where’s the large party?”

Taft, with all of his 335 pounds replied, “I’m the large party.”

—–

I might wake up early and go running … but I also might win the lottery; the odds are about the same.

—–

I combined all of my wrist watches to make a belt!

It’s a complete waist of time!

—–

 

Advertisements