Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The’ and ‘ IRS ‘ together it spells ‘Theirs…’
A giraffe’s coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself!
Two blonde friends were going on a trip to Florida. A neighbor told them that they’d be fine as long as they paid attention to the road signs along the way. But they’d driven just 30 miles when they saw one that read, “Clean Restrooms Ahead.”
Two months later they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, 267 rolls of paper towels, and three cases of toilet-bowl cleaner. Total restrooms cleaned: 450.
Two older women who were rivals in a social circle met at a party.
“My dear,” said the first woman “Are those real pearls?”
“They are,” replied the second woman.
“Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them,” smiled the first woman.
The second responded “Yes, but for that you would need real teeth.”
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo, a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Spaniard, a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a Pollack, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Indian, an Italian, a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African, a Filipino, a Pakistani, a Korean, an Argentinean, a Lithuanian, a Dane, a Finn, a Swede, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Croat, and a Panamanian go to a fancy bar…
The bouncer says: “Sorry. I can’t let you in without a Thai.”
I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, “What brings you in today?”
I looked at her, and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn’t quite know how to respond.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..