Humor #434

Define “Principal”: The king’s son’s friend

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Use “Aorta” in a sentence: AORTA cut the grass down by the ball field so the kids don’t get hurt. (Jeff Foxworthy)

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“I’ll use my stopwatch to see how fast it moves,” said Tom, seconding the motion.

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Headline: POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

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4 out of 3 people struggle with math.

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Forbidden fruits create many jams.

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I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated “Picture Menu Available”.

I had to ask the clerk what it was for and she told me that they had a number of customers who couldn’t read and they used that.

Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and her answer was the classic, “Well, it says so on the sign, doesn’t it?”

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RIDDLES

Why can’t you gain weight by eating pretzels?
Because its knot food.

What happens when an egg laughs?
It cracks up!

Why did the kid put his head on the piano?
Because he wanted to play by ear.

How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.

What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Rep-tiles!

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