Humor #436

When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be walking three blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed.

Glimpsing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining enthusiastically, “All the way home, God’s been taking my picture!”

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After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.

About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!”

It worked.

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The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch.

“Madam,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.”

The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”

The man replied, “I know you didn’t, but your neighbors did.”

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Our pastor was organizing an evangelistic outreach using small acts of kindness to demonstrate Christ’s love. He phoned several neighborhood grocery stores and laundromats for permission to do specific services.

On one call, the employee who answered the phone hesitated, then said, “I’ll need to ask the manager, but first, let me make sure I understand: You want to clean up the parking lot, retrieve shopping carts, hold umbrellas for customers, and you don’t want anything in return.”

“Yes, that’s right,” our pastor replied.

After disappearing for a moment, the employee returned to the phone. “I’m sorry,” he said, “we can’t let you do that because if we let you do it, we’d have to let everyone else do it, too!”

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Every month before attending my Bible study at church, I would tell my 3-year-old son, Chad, we were going to God’s house. Each time we walked through the quiet sanctuary on our way to the nursery, Chad looked around in awe. One particular day, he stopped abruptly and asked, “Mommy, if this is God’s house, how come He’s never home?”

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As I was having my daily devotions one morning, I heard my 3-year-old daughter, Kayla, answer the telephone in the next room. Trying not to burst out laughing, I listened as she told the caller, “My mom is having her emotions now. Can she call you back?”

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