Humor #437

After a hardy Indiana rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic.

“Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!” she said as she shook the older boy in anger.

“We were just playing ‘church’ mommy,” he said.

“I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole-he-goes.”

—–

Last week when I went to the doctor, the kindly gentleman asked the question I knew he was going to ask: “Now, what are we planning to do about that excess weight you’re carrying around?”

“I don’t know, doc. You want to haul it around for a while?”

“Be serious.”

“I am serious. Look, it just must be an overactive thyroid.”

“No, your thyroid’s perfectly normal. If there’s anything overactive, it’s your fork!”

—–

Father O’Malley answers the phone…

“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”

“It is.”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I can.”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do.”

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is.”

“Did he donate $10,000.00?”

(pause)

“He will.”

—–

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.

When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.

“Ma,” he shouted, “the results are in. I won the election!”

“Honestly?” she replied.

The politician’s smiled faded. “Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?”

—–

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies.

By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, “Well, I’ll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!”

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” replied the clerk. “With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have there, you’ll be home in no time.

—–

You know times are tough when you order a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asks, “Can you afford fries with that?”

—–

When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded.

I went up to the hostess and asked, “Will it be long?” The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book.

I asked again, “How much of a wait?”

The woman looked up from her book and said, “About ten minutes.”

A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: “Willette B. Long, your table is now ready.”

 

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