I had a near death experience that has changed me forever.
The other day, I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but I was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught up in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse just wouldn’t stop or slow down.
Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager saved the day and unplugged the ride.
RANDOM ACTS OF THINKING
I want to become a vegetarian, but I’m not sure I can quit eating meat cold turkey.
I wear glasses. Doesn’t that mean that *everything* I see is an optical illusion?
I paid my psychiatrist with a reality check.
Do fishermen live in the reel world?
You want to know a really, really hugely annoyingly bad habit? Over-exaggeration.
I may not be a great artist, but I am really good at drawing a blank.
My wife and I love each other. I rub her back and she massages my ego.
When he who lives in a glass house invites he who is without sin for dinner, bad things can happen.
You can’t stop progress, but you can unplug a good chunk of it.
A chrysanthemum by any other name … would be easier to spell.
Some days the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
My life no longer needs an extreme makeover. Now it just needs a complete do over.
A friend of mine has a nose ring. She keeps the volume pretty low, though, and sets it to “vibrate” at the movies.
I’m not too handy with tools. I once got my finger caught in a screwdriver.
Yesterday I pushed my luck. It was clearly too weak to move by itself.