Humor #439

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote “The Hokie Pokey” died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in. That’s when the trouble started…

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“Buying your wife a matching belt and bag for Valentines Day is NOT a good idea if they fit the vacuum cleaner.”

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As Barb was getting to know David and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other.

“They’re so thoughtful,” Barb said. “Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning.”

After a time, Barb and David were engaged, and then married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Barb again remarked on David’s loving parents, and even the coffee in bed.

“Tell me,” she said, “does it run in the family?”

“It sure does,” replied David. “And I take after my mom.”

—–

 

Shampoo Warning

I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner!

I use this (they say not to use) shampoo in the shower!

When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and Printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,

          “FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY.”

No wonder I have been gaining weight!

Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads,

         “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”

Problem solved!

If I don’t answer the phone, I’ll be in the shower!

—–

They’ve closed a road near where I live in order to repair a collapsed sewer-pipe. The construction workers have put up a sign saying:

ROAD CLOSED

But, since the actual road closure is not apparent until you go around a bend, a lot of drivers go just to see if the road is *really* closed.

After they see that the road really is closed, they start making their way back. Their embarrassment is made worse by another sign right behind the ROAD CLOSED sign, but facing them on their return. The new sign reads:

TOLD YOU SO!

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