Humor #453

 In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student’s major, trying to provoke a response. It was working – some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major.

“So,” asked my professor, “what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music?”

“He’s just thankful,” I shot back, “that I didn’t go into psychology.”

—–

Three elderly gents were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

“I would like my grandchildren to say, ‘He was successful in business,'” declared the first man.

“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want them to say, ‘He was a loyal family man.'”

Turning to the third gent, he asked, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”

“Me?” the third one replied. “I want them to say, ‘He certainly looks good for his age.'”

—–

Two animals meet in the woods, both blind since birth. Neither one knows what kind of animal it is, so they decide to feel each other to try to figure it out.

“What do I feel like?” the first animal asked.

“You have soft fur all over you, strong back legs, big back feet, a puffy little cotton tail, two long ears, and a twitchy little nose.”

The first animal, full of joy, exclaimed, “I know what I am! I’m a bunny rabbit.”

“Now it’s my turn,” said the second animal.

The bunny felt him, describing, “You’re very long, narrow, and low to the ground. You’re cold and slimy. You have long, sharp fangs and a little forked tongue that keeps darting out of your mouth.”

“Darn,” sobbed the second animal. “I’m a lawyer.”

—–

 

Betty was soon to be married.

More than anything, she wanted to wear the wedding dress her mother was married in. Betty’s mother was beaming with pride as she gave her consent.

Later in the evening, the family gathered in the living room to wait while Betty tried on the dress.

When Betty entered the room, there was a chorus of approval. The dress fit perfectly and looked wonderful on her.

Tears ran down the face of Betty’s mother.

Seeing this, Betty said, “Don’t worry Mom, you’re not losing a daughter, you’re gaining a son.”

“Forget about that!” she said with a sob. “I used to fit into that dress!”

—–

 

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