Humor #456

“Sliced bread: The best thing since ripped up bread.”


“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.”


I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers.

One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last.

She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years:

“When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance.

When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”


At a local church, the members take pride in the reverent behavior of the children during the sermons.

Asked how they engendered this profound respect for the Almighty, one elder explained to me:

“In each batch of new Sunday schoolers, I casually mention that we had to fire the artist who made the stained glass roof panels. I say he got fired for putting bad words in some of the artwork. Now, when energetic little boys get bored, they spend their time staring straight up!”


 After Sunday school two little boys were standing in the church lobby. As they were talking a pretty little girl from their class walked by them.

One of the little guys said to the other, “When I quit hating girls, she’s the first one I’m going to quit hating.”