The pastor told the search committee, “If I am voted in as pastor of this church, I will work hard to bring us into the 20th century.”
Someone spoke up, “Uh, Preacher, don’t you mean the 21st century?”
The pastor replied, “Let’s take it one century at a time.”
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”
The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”
One little girl raised her hand and said,
“I think he said: ‘Holy Mackerel! A talking chicken!'”
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
A man is being interviewed for a job. “What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?”
“The slightest noise wakes me up.”
“Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for $1,000! I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”
“Okay, you have six months to live.”
From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I’ve no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad.”