Humor #472

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk.

“Well … they feel a bit tight.” replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet.

“Try pulling out on the tongue.” offers the clerk.

“Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.” He says.

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This police officer sees an old lady driving and knitting at the same time so after driving next to her for a while he yells to her, “PULLOVER”. She replies, “No a pair of socks”.

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“So, what’s the matter?” asked one woman of her friend over coffee.  “I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband.”

“Oh, everything went wrong,” the second woman answered.

“First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish.

Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon.

“All that might have been all right; but to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish!”

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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

“Can you tell me how much you charge?” asked the client.

“Of course,” the lawyer replied. “I charge $200 to answer three questions.”

“Well, that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is,” said the lawyer. “And what’s your third question?”

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While leaving our small-town carnival, our sons, ages six and two, were walking hand-in-hand behind my husband and me. We overheard Tyler tell his younger brother, Cory, “This is what heaven is like—except it’s free!”

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