Two blonds were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling beach other “professor,” and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months!
“TWO MONTHS?!” cried the bartender. “That’s ridiculous. It shouldn’t take that long!!”
“Oh yeah?” says one blond. “The box said 2-4 YEARS!”
A spouse is someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.
Q: Do politicians ever lie?
A: What do you think they get paid for?
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where?”
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPILS: A teacher.
A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
“No,” the doctor said. “I did not check his pulse.”
“And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer.
“No I did not,” the doctor said.
“So,” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.”
The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere.”