Q: Why do birds hold one of their legs up when sleeping?
A: Because if they hold both their legs up, they’ll fall.
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”
He said: “Call for backup.”
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Washington.”
A pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation has to mob him to get him down from the pulpit, and they ask him what happened.
The pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.
But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife’s teeth in and couldn’t stop talking.
Little Johnny is in art class. The art teacher asks, “what are you drawing?” Johnny answers, “a cow eating grass,” “where’s the grass?” “The cow ate it!” “Oh… what about the cow?” “She ran away!”
A police man pulls over a drunk driver for not stopping at a stop sign and asks the driver if he saw the stop sign. The driver replies “I did but it turned red too fast for me to stop.”
Government Philosophy: If it ain’t broke, fix it ’till it is.
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!