Humor #491

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about Their fathers.

The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,

They give him $50.’

The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,

He calls it a song, they give him $100.’

The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,

He calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’

—–

A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance.

“Shucks, I’d sooner spend my money on a cow,” said the farmer.

“Ah,” replied the salesman, “but think how silly you’d look riding around on a cow.”

“Humph!” retorted the farmer. “Not near as silly as I’d look trying to milk a bicycle!”

—–

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.

The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely.

“It’s okay,” he reassured the man, “That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

—–

Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants.

As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, “You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?”

“Yes,” I replied, “That is a good analogy.”

“I don’t know how to make egg rolls,”  another mother said anxiously.

“Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?”

—–

Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues.

But that was okay. One wore the top half and one wore the bottom half … they went as an upper and lower GI.

Advertisements