Humor #494

Jones jumped up from the card table white with rage.

“Stop this game,” he shouted, “Smith is cheating!”

“How do you know?”

“He’s not playing the hand I dealt him.”

—–

A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang.

In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table.  It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook.  As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking.  The woman’s three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams.  The woman mumbled some colorful words.

She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband’s voice on the other end say, “Nobody’s said hello yet, but I’m positive I have the right number.”

—–

A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones chests, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe, but she never got a response equal to four-year old David’s comment.

Gently she tucked the stethoscope into his ears and placed the disk over his heart. “Listen”, she said………..”What do you suppose that is?”

He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap – tap – tapping deep in his chest.

Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin and he asked, “Is that Jesus knocking?”

—–

My nieces Jessica, age five, and Stephanie, age three, were chatting with their mom when Stephanie asked, “Mommy, does God really make rainbows?”

“Of course he does,” my sister replied. Jessica nudged Stephanie and explained, “Only God has such big crayons.”

—–

When my husband and I taught 2- and 3-year-olds in Sunday school, a Bible verse we helped them memorize was (Psalms 56:3), “When I am afraid, I will trust in you.” Our preschool son, Mark, was one of our pupils. One stormy night, as lightning flashed and thunder boomed, the electricity suddenly went off. “I’m not afraid,” Mark assured us as we groped in the dark for candles and matches. Expecting him to quote the Bible verse he recently learned, I proudly prompted him, “And tell us why you aren’t afraid.”

” ‘Cause I’ve got my flashlight.”

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