Humor #505

 “Jet lag is nature’s way of making sure you look like your passport photo.”

—–

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation.

His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn’t help.  Her son’s memory was blank.

Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.”

The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, “My mother is the light of the world.”

——

A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

“You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.”

“All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board.”

“Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.

“Yeah,” the farmer said. “This guy is none too bright. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco.”

“Aha!” the agent roared. “I want to talk to that man!”

“Speaking,” said the farmer.

 —–

 Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny (a future lawyer) hollers out,

“Okay, everyone in the house, please be advised that I, little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!”

 —–

One day my brother-in-law noticed an elderly lady slowly pushing a cart through the supermarket parking lot.

Ever courteous, he insisted on taking it over for her.

The woman struggled alongside, doing her best to keep up.

At the entrance, he said, “Here you go, Ma’am,” and gave her the cart.

Catching her breath, she said, “Thank you, but I was using it to lean on.”