Humor #510

A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, “Didn’t you hear me?! I’m a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!”

The guy took the frog out and said, “Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don’t have time for a girlfriend,……..but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!” 

 —–

Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side?

He’s alright now! 

 —–

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.

“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.

“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his buddies, the oldest and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, “My friends, just be thankful we’re still on this side of the grass!”

—–

 We had made some changes in our lives.

My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight years of being a housewife, I had taken a job in a restaurant.

When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug.

He seemed to cling to me longer than usual.

“Did you really miss me that much today, dear?” I asked.

“No,” came the reply.

“But you smell so much like pancakes that I hate to let you go.”

—–

 “I’ve just had the most awful time,” said a boy to his friends. “First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.”

“Wow! How did you pull through?” sympathized his friends.

“I don’t know,” the boy replied. “Toughest spelling test I ever had.”