Humor #515

Three nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read, “BEAR LEFT.”

So they turned around and went home.

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 Flipping through our children’s Bible, I pointed to a picture of Jesus surrounded by his disciples and asked my daughter to explain the story in her own words. Looking at it, she said, “Mommy, this is a story about Jesus. And here are all his disciples—Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Romans!”

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 In his younger days our golden retriever, Catcher, often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian’s office was about a mile down the road and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up.

One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher’s yearly vaccine.

“Will you be bringing him in yourself,” asked the receptionist, “or will he come on his own?”

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, “Where have ya been?”

” Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” Slurs the drunk.

” Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk.

“For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

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