Humor #516

The executive officer of the unit where I worked in the National Guard Armory went to a government office to take care of some business.

The clerk there gave him two index cards with identical questions on them. The officer filled both out, but when he handed them in, he asked the clerk why she needed two cards with the same information.

Stapling the cards together, she said, “That’s in case we lose one.”

—–

 An minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children’s message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, “You see each one of you is a little pane.” And then pointing to each child, “You’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And…”

It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.

—–

 Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

 “I’m going to do that when I win the lottery,” announced Blonde #1.

 “Do what?” asked Blonde #2. 

 ” Send my yard out to be mowed.”

—–

Answering the phone, the priest was surprised to hear the caller introduce herself as an IRS auditor.

“But we do not pay taxes,” the priest said. “It isn’t you, Father, it’s one of your parishioner, Sean McCullough. He indicates on his tax return that he gave a donation of  $15,000 to the church last year. Is this, in fact, the truth?”

The priest smiled broadly. “The check hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m sure I’ll have it when I remind dear Sean.”

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