A Cub Scout troop was half an hour late to its den meeting. The den mother asked them severely, “Why are you so late?”
“Oh,” said one boy, “we were helping an old man cross the street.”
“That’s a nice thing for scouts to do,” said the mother. She paused. “But it shouldn’t make you half an hour late.”
“Well, you see,” said another boy, “he didn’t want to go.”
One man said to the other, “You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can’t.
Three immigrants to the U. S. were just mastering the language.
One was telling the others about the difficulty they were having in attempting to start a family. He said, “I think my wife must be impregnable.”
The second said,” that’s not the right word, she is inconceivable”.
To which the third replied, “You are both wrong she is unbearable.”
When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors.
As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.
Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, “My son is a lawyer.”
As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney.
“Only to mow my lawn.”
At a recent church dinner, I took my three young children through the food line. As I juggled everyone’s plate and drink, I told the kids to be on their best behavior. When finally seated, I sighed with relief and told them they were doing great—that we hadn’t had any catastrophes yet.
At that, my 3-year-old, Dawn, looked around and said, “Where are they, Mommy? I’ll go get them.”