Humor #533

A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect telegram which read: “I am perfectly well.”

A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel…collect…on which he had to pay considerable charges.  Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete which had this message:

“This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind.”


Driving through New Jersey on Interstate 80 in route from Pennsylvania to New York, I came upon a group of cars that were abnormally traveling exactly at the 55 MPH speed limit. In the middle of the group was a state police cruiser that everyone was reluctant to pass.

After several minutes the officer’s voice rang out over his roof-mounted loudspeaker. “For heaven’s sake, move!” he commanded. “I am a Pennsylvania trooper.”


I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska.  Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area.  The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back.  While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm.

“I wonder why he didn’t land,” I said.

“He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed,” the man said.

As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window.  “It looks plowed to me,” I commented.

“No,” my seat mate said.  “It hasn’t been cleared for some time.”

“How can you tell?”  I asked.

“Because,” the man informed me, “I’m the guy who drives the plow.”


Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied male obesity to a virus.

One evening my brother came home exhausted from a long day at work.

“Did you read the paper?” he asked.

“I’m not going in to work tomorrow.  I’m calling in fat.”