Humor #534

Recently one Congressman from a Bible Belt congressional district was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

The politician responded, “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.”

He continued, “But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position and I will not compromise.”


 Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.

I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.

“You see where they’re smoothing that cement?” he replied. “I just threw my wife’s credit cards in there.”


 They should send “Get Well Soon” cards to people who forgot to pay their water bill.


 A preacher had a deacon in his church who had a bad habit of cussing.

In his attempt to help the deacon overcome this terrible habit, the preacher decided he should spend some personal time with him.  So, he invited him to go fishing.

They were both out in a boat and had their lines in the water when the preacher hooked a big one.  He worked it for a long time and finally got the fish up to the edge of the boat when the line broke and the fish got away.

Thoroughly disgusted, the preacher looked over and said, “Deacon, something needs to be said!’