Humor #540

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head.

“Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”    

 —–

 The Lone Ranger and Tonto hitch their horses outside a saloon and go inside for a beer. Soon after, a man walks in and asks, “Who owns the silver horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger replies, “I do. What’s the problem?”

The man says, “You better go look at him. I think he’s hot.”

The Lone Ranger goes outside to check on his horse, and sure enough, the horse is overheated and distressed.

“Quick, Tonto, run circles around Silver. You will create a draft and cool him down.”

Tonto starts running around the horse to cool him down, and the Lone Ranger goes back into the saloon to enjoy his beer. Soon after, another man walks in and asks, “Who owns the silver horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger again replies, “I do. What’s the problem now?”

“You’ve left the Injun running.”

—–

 There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, “What do you do for a living?”

He said, “I’m a former window washer.”

I asked, “When did you give it up?”

He replied, “Halfway down.”

—–

 After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.

Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.

“Oh,” I said, “So now you’re speaking to me.”

He looked confused, “What are you talking about?”

“Haven’t you noticed I haven’t spoken to you for three days?” I challenged.

“No,” he said, “I just thought we were getting along.”

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