The National Game warden put out a warning to all hikers in his area. Warning that they should wear small bells on their boots so not to startle the bears. To distinguish the grizzly bear the notice read– small bear droppings are small with nut and berries in it.
Grizzly bear droppings are much larger with nuts and berries and little tiny bells in it.
A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend.
“Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the clerk.
The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.”
“Now, that looks like a happily married couple.” Remarks the husband.
“Don’t be too sure, my Dear. They are probable saying the same thing about us.” Replied his wife.
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don’t eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. “Why do you buy them then?” he asks puzzled.
Whereupon the old lady answers, “We just love the chocolate around them.”