My friend called a venetian blind repairman to come pick up a faulty blind. The next morning, while the family was at breakfast, the doorbell rang. My friend’s wife went to the door, and the man outside said, “I’m here for the venetian blind.”
Excusing herself in a preoccupied way, the wife went to the kitchen, fished a dollar from the food money, pressed it into the repairman’s hand, then gently closed the door and returned to the table.
“Somebody collecting,” she explained, pouring the coffee.
A Russian cosmonaut has an emergency during his reentry into earth’s atmosphere and his space craft crash lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere.
After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush hospital clinic, very rustic and dirty, with foul smells, and he is bandaged from head to foot. He sees a very large, somewhat gruff-looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot.
“Did I come here to die?” he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.
“No,” the Aussie nurse replies. “You came here yesterday.”
A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm.
After seeing the 1,000 acre spread, the Texan bragged that down home he could get into his car, drive all day, and by evening would not have gotten to the distant point of his ranch.
The South Dakotan simply replied, “You know, I had a car like that once.”
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud during the service. Finally, his big sister had enough.
“You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked indignantly.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers!