Humor #555

Waiter, I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.

I’m sorry, sir, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?


 The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, ”You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.”

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ”And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony.”

 ”Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. ”I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”

 ”All of these ideas have been well and good,” said the elderly priest, ”But I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”

 ”But, Father,” protested the young priest, ”my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!”

 ”Yes,” replied the elderly priest, ”and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!”


 A lady was expecting her first baby, a six-year-old neighborhood girl was particularly curious. She wanted to see the baby furniture and hear our list of possible names.

When she asked where the baby was, the mom-to be was a walking show-and-tell even at four months. But then she asked the question that probably had been foremost in her mind: “How did the baby get in there?”

“I think you’d better ask your mother about that,” she said.

“Oh, I tried that,” she confessed. “Nobody in my family knows!”


 We were enjoying a series of youth crusades at our church. It had been an exciting time as our youngest child and then our middle child made a public declaration to follow Jesus.

During the final night of the crusade our oldest son very slowly made his way to the altar.

Following the service Dad commented on his decision. Our son replied, “Yes, it was very hard to make it down front.”

It seems our son took the speaker’s instructions of “every head bowed and every eye closed” literally—making his way to the altar without looking.