The little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first little children’s Bible, in an easy-to-read translation, when she was very young.
Now, a decade or so later, the elderly lady was ready to spend a few sweet moments handing down the big old family Bible, in the time-honored King James Version, to her only grandchild.
Understandably excited, the youngster was asking a number of questions, both about the family members whose births and deaths were recorded therein, and about various aspects of the Scriptures themselves.
Her grandmother was endeavoring to answer all the child’s questions in terms she could understand, but the one that stopped her cold was this sincere inquiry:
“Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? Was it the Virgin Mary, or the King James virgin?”
Two snails went to an auto race. There were twenty six cars, so instead of numbers the cars were identified by letters from A to Z.
As the race started, the S car quickly sped away from the trailing pack of cars. Seeing this, the one snail said to the other, “Hey, look at that S car go!”
An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, “I have no room for your bike in my car, but I’d like to help you in someway seeing you standing here in the hot sun.”
After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, “I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I’ll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I’ll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I’ll slow down.”
The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning “you want a drag?” Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy.
They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn’t catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the rode to intercept. “Car number 2, this is car number 1.” “Go head number 1, what’cha got for me?” I got a red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus, can you intercept?”
“Ten-four, Is there anything else?”
“Yeah, you wouldn’t believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass.”
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”