Humor #559

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.

For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.

“Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he requested.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

—–

Then there’s the one about the Buddhist monk who went up to a hot dog vendor and ordered a hot dog.

The vendor asked him, “How do you want it?”

And the monk said, “I want it to be ‘one with everything’,” and hands him a $20 bill.

The vendor then gives him his hot dog and continues on with his business.

The monk asks, “Where is my change?”

And the vendor replies, “Change must come from within.”

—–

¬†The new office computer system was down as much as it was working. Cathy decided to stay late one evening to catch up on the work that had accumulated. On her way home, a police officer stopped her for speeding. “What a perfect end to an awful day!” she exclaimed. “Our computer is up, then down — up, then down. I stay late to catch up, and now this!”

The officer was unaffected by Cathy’s griping and he went to his car to prepare a citation. After what seemed an eternity, he returned with her license and registration. As he handed them to her, he smiled and said, “Our computer is down.”

—–

“What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when a University of South Carolina student delivered his pizza.

“Well,” the student replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”

“That so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s five dollars.”

“Thanks,” the student said, “I’ll put it in my college fund.”

“By the way, what are you studying?”

“Applied psychology.”

Advertisement