Humor #567

 When the man came home, his wife was crying. “Your mother insulted me,” she sobbed.

“My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?” the man asked.

“I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.”

“And?”

“At the end of the letter she had written:

P.S. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don’t forget to give it to my son.”

—–

 Men Vs. Women Joke

MAN:

 1) Pull up to machine

 2) Wind window down

 3) Insert ATM card, enter PIN

 4) Retrieve cash

 5) Drive away

 WOMAN:

 1) Pull up to machine

 2) Open door (too far away from machine)

 3) Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card

 4) Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair

 5) Insert Card

 6) Remove card

 7) Insert card the correct way up

 8) Search for piece of paper with PIN on it

 9) Enter PIN

 10) Enter correct PIN

 11) Retrieve cash, put in bag

 12) Drive off

 13) Reverse back to machine

 14) Retrieve card

 15) Drive three miles away

 16) Release hand-brake

—–

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, “What are you going to use on this hole, son?”

The young man says, “An eight iron, Father. How about you?”

The priest says, “I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray.”

The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his seven iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, “I don’t know about you, Father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down.”